I know I love you.
I know you know it too,
but is it fair for us to hold on to what we once knew?
To continue writing a story that is undoubtedly hopeless?
To drive each other toward an improbable future?
For once I want you to tell me:
do we have any reason to stay?
Is there anything left to keep us here?
I believe we just have a lot to let go.
I know you love me,
but do you really love me?
Do you love me for how I think?
How I speak?
Do you care to know the depths of me
or just what’s on the surface?
I know what I want.
I want you to love me for how my mind works,
for how the gears turn and thoughts become art.
I want to spend time with your mind
and not just your body,
and I want you to want the same from me.
I know I love you,
but I am in a haze of knowing whether you love me
and I’m drowning.
Not knowing your intention is bane.
So do I go mad as Ophelia,
so be it,
for it would only be fitting.
Then, maybe, you would go bewildered
and play the part as Hamlet,
then I would know you whether meant it.
So I’ll submerge myself into you
or maybe into the depths of my loving you
and divide myself from my fair judgement.
I’ll forget there’s a way out.
Simply forget that I knew how to swim
and allow my body to linger in a pool of cool blue.
I’d love for life to be in black and white,
and for it to be easy,
and for us to know what we want,
and to be sure of it one hundred percent.
I’d like for a lot of things to be different than what they are.
But we’re all too busy worrying about what other people think
and how they will judge the decisions we make.
Who knows if we’ll ever know what we want,
but we’re doing our best to figure it out, despite the world.
I admit that I worry what people will say,
I feel like I don’t fit in,
but I won’t give up trying to identify myself,
and I won’t give in to what society wants
because I am not black and white
and there is so much more that I hope to be.
We are so much more than just black and white
and what we are told we have to be.
We’re all individually unique
and we are each full of so much color,
and I am so tired of watching this world try to shape us into the same person
and change our colors to fit its palette filled with the same generic ones,
and try to tell us who we are supposed to be,
and tell us we can’t succeed unless we blend in.
So don’t let society shape you into something you don’t want to be,
don’t let it mask the colors inside you that want to reveal.
Be who you want to be.
Flourish, learn, grow, and love your life,
and along the way take pictures,
make memories and live stories worth re-telling.
Do all the things you’re scared to do,
the things that make good stories,
go out on a limb, try something new,
and don’t be sorry.
I love music. I mean, I really love it. I was born to love it. I have it running into me through my ears and eyes, through my soul and veins, and out my mouth and fingertips. It’s every part of who I am. It gets me through the day. It saves me as I save it to my library on Spotify. It motivates me and helps me discover who I am and gives me passion for creativity. Just hearing a single line flowing together in just the right way makes me fall in love with a song instantly. It helps me to feel all the emotions I have buried deep inside, even if I don’t necessarily want to feel them. It creates a release for them. It puts me at the ease I so desperately need some days. There are so many different types of music. Music that makes you wanna dance and music that makes you wanna cry. Music that makes you wanna laugh and music that makes you wanna scream. Music that helps you fall asleep and there is music that lets you dream. It fills every corner. I can’t rid the need for it in my life. Music is so important to me and it captures all the words that I am somehow unable to come up with myself and displays them just the way I hoped they would be. It’s amazing how the perfect combination of notes and rhythms can create such a lively feeling inside of you.
I’ll love you like no other.
I’ll take a long time getting ready just to hear you nag,
I’ll make you ride in the car with me so I’m not alone,
and I’ll make you listen to my obscure music
and play it until you know every word by heart.
I’ll beg you to take me out for ice cream
and make you get me doughnuts in the morning,
then be a pain to wake up when you get back.
I’ll list a ton of places for us to travel to,
I’ll hold your hand despite the sweatiness of it,
and turn the heat on high even though you like it cold.
I’ll complain about how the yellow starbursts are underappreciated,
and convince you to let me do your makeup,
I’ll annoy the hell out of you
just for the fun of it and because I know I can.
I’ll ignore you so you’ll apologize first,
but then give in because I can’t stand not talking to you.
I’ll drag you out of bed at one o’clock in the morning to cook eggs
and make you dance around the kitchen with me
even though you’d rather be in bed,
wrapped in blankets, sleeping soundly.
But I’ll also tell you this much:
I’ll love you like no other.
I’ll wake up early without being asked
just so I can make you breakfast.
I’ll rub your back because you deserve it
and run my fingers through your hair until you fall asleep.
I’ll admire you when you aren’t watching
and deny it when I’m caught.
I’ll surprise you with little things
like coffee, lunch, or those you suggest
just to let you know I listen.
I’ll spontaneously adventure with you until we run out of places to go.
I’ll put aside my wants for your needs
and worry about whether or not you’re safe when I’m not with you.
I’ll cross oceans for you
so you never have to wonder how much I love you.
I’ll never promise not to be difficult,
not to drive you crazy, but
I’ll love you unconditionally,
and I’ll love you like no other.
I am literally obsessed with these two songs from Ariana Grande’s new album Dangerous Woman. I played the album at 6:45 the morning on my way to work after the album came out and these two stuck out to me most. I immediately played them on repeat when I heard them and then did the same thing on my way home! Congrats on your new music Ari! I hope at least one person loves them as much as I do. ❤ They’ll definitely be on my June playlist 😉
I knew you had to go,
but it didn’t feel time,
so I sat quietly and watched you leave.
Words couldn’t make you stay,
words couldn’t make you return.
So in the silence I waited
for a change that was far-flung.
Days grew grey.
And I was okay with that.
It grew to be my favorite color.
I dressed in grey,
as I lived in grey.
It was comforting,
but that was because I could choose it.
Grey became a lifestyle,
no longer a choice,
but an actual way of life.
I became grey.
So I changed my name to Grey to suit me.
The color surrounded me like a storm,
fierce, yet calming.
The world closed in,
soon be, nothing but my loneliness.
I lied in a world that had lied to me
and let it take me as it came.
“It’s fine.” And it is.
But I all became weak,
with my soul a burst of color.
Sooo Happy Valentine’s Day guys! I know it’s the fifteenth and this post has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day, but here’s some things about me in case you’re curious!
- Obviously this was going to be first, but I am scared of mayonnaise. It just really freaks me out and I won’t do anything that has to do with it. It’s so disgusting.
- I played travel softball for 10 years as well as t-ball for 2 years when I was little.
- I have a really big problem with my eyes watering. It’s a 24 hour ordeal and I swear it’s because they’re blue.
- I am obsessed with Iceland. I will go one day and when I do, you’ll never hear the end of it.
- I love holidays. I have Pinterest boards dedicated to each holiday filled with crafts and cute food ideas.
- I didn’t ride my first BIG rollercoaster until I was 17.
- I’m constantly asked if my hair color is natural. (It is by the way.)
- For a long time I went by Abbey, but I have decided I don’t like it anymore. Only two people in my life called me Gail and I love them for it. (Call me Abbey and Mary Kate will have to kill herself due to my excessive rants about it.)
- In high school, I was in a pop A Cappella group that won a really big competition. I’ll love you forever Fully Charged.
- I don’t have a favorite color so I just stick with black and white.
- I hate doing my hair because I’m bad at it.
- I am not a dog person at all, but am determined to have a Boston Terrier one day.
- I love how it smells when it rains. It’s so satisfying.
- I LOVE the snow and winter is my favorite season.
- I am the most indecisive person to ever walk the planet.
- I have been to Canada, Mexico, and France. (And hopefully Iceland one day.)
- I talk to myself way too much. If you ask me if I’m talking to myself and I say no, I’m probably lying.
- I went through a major Avril Lavigne phase in middle school. I was determined to be just like her.
- I have the biggest family in the entire world. I have over 40 cousins in my generation just on one side of my family.
- A 1987 Volkswagen beetle is my dream car. The first one I ever saw was in Montana when I was 14, I still have a picture of it, and I’ve been in love ever since. (It was orange.)
- My grandfather was a pilot in the navy and now owns two private planes. This began my love for flying and I’ve even flown one of his planes myself. (He was in the plane with me of course.)
- My grandfather is my role model. He’s my favorite person ever.
- I only like chocolate sometimes. It’s a wishy washy situation.
- When I was in elementary school, a poem I wrote was selected to be published in a children’s poetry book. Guys, I’m a published author. To be honest, I have no idea what the name of that book is or where it is, but I do remember what my poem was about.
- One time in gym, I knocked my elementary school best friend’s front teeth out during a game of kickball and we still laugh about it… I hope. She definitely still holds it against me.